Shadow Play

Enter the living room.

This is what happens when you've got a beautiful best friend and a whole heap of spare time in a new apartment.
We clearly love each other.

Lemons are sweeter as lemonade.

It has been a while since I have blogged here.
And I have been through a roller-coaster of emotionally pushy and trying events.
BUT
We all know the cliques, (live in the moment, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, love yourself) and it seems sad that they are overused and un-acknowledged despite their truth and soul feeding goodness.

But one thing I have realised through having my heart stomped on dramatically and seemingly intentionally is that you can only be in this moment. If you get caught up with how 'wonderful our relationship was, why did it end' or 'we planned a future together, everything I have is reminded of them' or 'we were so perfect, I loved them so whole heartedly, how could I ever give my heart to anyone else or find someone like them' then you only make yourself more upset and it isnt fact. not entirely.

Then you stop. You stop thinking of the past and future. You start and finish with the moment.

Step 1:
Acknowledge your feelings
If you are still madly in love, then don't lie to yourself. If you are angry, acknowledge it. It's only natural. If you pretend that you're over the whole thing and attempt to keep that perky shiny face smiling, then it only stifles things and you end up hurting the person that is closest to you, yourself.
You dont need to tell every person in your life, but admitting the feelings to yourself is a wonderful first step

Step 2:
Grieve
Trust me when I say 'grieve'. If you keep it all bottled up, you'll end up exploding elsewhere. Get the grieving over and done with in a gentle way so that you never have to open that can of worms again.

Step 3:
Realisation
You will have many over this time, BUT take your own advice.
Mine to myself was

"You have to ask yourself, if you love him more than you love yourself? In which case breaking up is the only option and what he gave you was the ultimate gift. The gift of self realisation and self actualisation. he gave you the gift of love. to love yourself and reconnect with yourself. You know that as soon as you choose to need only your self and are comfortable with it then the timing will be perfect for a new love. Let go of the "love" you hold on him and shift it. Reuse it on yourself, taking as much time, money, experiences, dates, flowers and space that you need with yourself to make it happen. Right now, letting him go as a lover and shifting the love to yourself is hard but necessary. As much as you thought it was right, it was equally wrong and could never be anything other than what it is now. As much as your thought you needed him, that's how much you needed yourself.
Hold onto loneliness and live in the now. Its okay to change your mind. He loved you in a previous now as he does not in this now, and its alright. it happens and you, yourself change your mind every so often too! Rekindle the lost love with yourself and see the miraculous solutions and experiences happen."

Step 4:
Space and time
Yes, the age old, give it time. And when you're impatient like me, the thought of waiting for anything makes your gag, especially a heart to heal and friendship to mend.
But in all truth, don't try and push yourself past the limits, your own limits. Don't attempt to become friends straight away because you will end up collapsing emotionally despite thinking you can be really really strong and get through and be friends immediately. Well if you can I applaud you. You're doing better than me, but realistically being friends is unhealthy, sleeping together is just a death wish (If they really wanted you they would be with you, sleeping with them just allows the whole 'Cake and eat it too' scenario to be on a nice steady loop)
The more you push those boundaries the more the healing process stays on a halt. the more time and space you give to yourself away from them, the more you can heal and get on with life with a prospect of being friends in the future if the damage is rectifiable with time.

Step 5:
Love Yourself
How amazing are you to be capable of holding and giving more love than you ever thought you could? And it seems big. Really really big. But it is constantly expanding. The 'love' you felt is only scratching the surface of 'love' there is so much more to experience, so much more to do, so many more wonderful humans to fill you life with and so many hobbies and interests to develop. How amazing is it that you are such a powerful creature to be able to get through what you have and remain standing. Give yourself credit. You went to hell and back but you did it. And yes, you deserve a medal! But if you think clearly, get to a wonderful space in your mind, maybe you'll realise that had you loved yourself more, or even at all, then you probably wouldn't have taken this so hard. You wouldn't have felt like you were one half of a whole, instead you are a whole and the next person you meet who loves you will join you to be two awesome wholes instead of two halves. cup fully full situation.
Hey, you're not alone, loving yourself is difficult. I know many people older than myself who still feel sick at the thought but if you start young, you avoid more problems later on.
And yeah it means you gotta be your own best friend, but if you cant be your own best friend how can anyone else?

Step 6
Live
There are so many things to do, to discover. Give up the car and the technology and go places by yourself. Take yourself on dates, go out dancing, read books and go for long walks. Exercise, eat well, have girls nights (or boys nights) and learn a new language. Find out what your gifts and strengths are and build on them. Travel and go outside of the little relationship bubble you existed in before and rediscover what it means to be you so you never have to lose yourself again. Make new friends, go to the beach, look at the stars, cloud watch, have your tarot read for fun or draw, make music, take yourself shopping, take up a class. And remember that being alone doesn't mean you're lonely. Embrace it. Watch movies in the dark, redesign your bedroom or adopt a pet. The list is endless.
One thing that I have noticed is that my own company isn't as unbearable as i thought, it's rather enjoyable and the common interests and philosophies that you held with your previous partner can be found in new friends but more of them with even more suitable interests and qualities.
So one door closes and 200 more doors open. I know which one i'd take.

Mad Men

These last few weeks, I have been dealing with Mad Men and Mad Women. Both in the literal sense and also in the digital sense.
I am hopefully going to get back into the swing of Blogging now that uni is over.

So here is a few pieces from my Illustration assignment for concept art, where I chose to create new/improved Mad Men Characters and artefacts.
These are meant to be quick digital sketches and are not of my usual style. I was told to go outside my comfort zone. Something I really dislike doing. I love my black detailed outlines and colouring flat underneath. "Nope, try something different", to which, I'm unsure if I fully succeeded the brief. But in going against my own grain, learned so much about myself.

This Character is the owner of a large toy company who rivals Mattel's Barbie(TM) products, but looks to Sterling Cooper Draper Price (advertising company) for advice on hiking up sales.
Daisy-Jane is a pie loving cowgirl from Americas mid west, stuck in her old-fashioned ways, and living in a 1950s world. She is a redhead with a fiery temperament and doesn't take 'No' for an answer. Her Doll 'Carmen Cowgirl' is seen to be an outdated concept with the spaceage era coming into style.

This is a re-vamped Character formerly Rachel Menkan. She is now pregnant with Don Drapers child but keeps this from him at all costs. Her quick marriage was seen to be because of pregnancy but there were no questions as to who's it was. Don see's her as he enters Menkans department store lift and makes a snide remark regarding how quickly she fell in "love". To this she snarled but it soon stopped when her water broke in the lift and she was rushed by Don to the hospital. Delirious and pumped with painkillers she confesses to Don, leaving him confused, bringing back all the feeling he had when he asked her to run away with him and leave his children.
He feels empty.

This is Diandra D'Amour, meaning rare and beautiful flower, chosen by her as her burlesque stage name. Her previous name was Kitty Miller but after being told she would never make it in Broadway because of her hideously strong Brooklin accent she changed everything,took up French lessons and assumed a new persona. She Dances in the 'Dans De L'Amour' run by a shady character named Jayden McAllister. Together they bribe and frame new-to-be-wedded men by drugging them and demanding money for "services" unpaid for.

This Character is the Anti-Joan of Sterling Cooper Draper Price. Chosen as Dons new secretary by Peggy, she is an independent confident woman who's self sufficiency can be mistaken for stubbornness. Needless to say her and Joan do not se eye to eye though differing tastes and similar attitudes. Her name is Patty Milne and moved over from London, where as they recently experienced the 'Mod' fashion has risen far earlier and hems had shortened faster. She is a feminist, working her way up from being a secretary to copywriter to Ad Woman like Peggy.

This is Carmen Cowgirl and the newly transformed model Atomic Annie of Daisy-Jane's company.

1950s Swim Caps

If your video doesnt play, you can watch it here

This is divine! Everyone must see it.
xx

Chalk it up Baby, round 2

This time the drinks decreased by two but we didnt mind, I'm far too lightweight to care, 1 pint of cider an I'm merry.
So this time, with experience, Sheridan and I (with a little doodling from Jesse) created a collaborated piece that we see as happy volcanoes.
(It was an abandoned village, so to avoid controversy, no chalk person got hurt)

Something I thought I left behind.

In recent years of my life I discovered Etsy. As many of my friends know the addiction is not unlike that of a drug addiction, the more I resist the more it persists in the back of my head saying "but what if you miss out on that fabulous original 1950s tiki dress thats going for cheap?" and so the cycle continues. Its fabulous burning sensation but it keeps me in a world far from anyone so I become an unrelatable person who can only talk about what she has bought or wants to buy, which isn't exciting subject matter for some.
How and why?

Well its cheap, its quality and it get delivered to my door.

And how do you suppose you overcome convenience that is only a detriment to yourself? Well like cigarette smokers and drug abusers, they need weening (not that i am suggesting that I want to ween, because its the best addiction I've ever had) but the solution was op shopping.

Yes, Something I gave up a while ago because I decided etsy was cheap and wonderful but Im sick of waiting for things to arrive, and the cravings never go away so in the meantime, searching for little treasures an nick-knacks whilst taking my time away from the computer has helped!
And boy did I find some beautiful things.

Here they are, I hope you enjoy my weening process.

Beautiful 1930's pinky peach depression glass jug and two glasses, found at separate Op shops but only cost $13 for the lot (which is a steal!)

1950's spirit decanter and shot glasses with 4 tumblers ($5 for everything!)

Two sets of beautiful emerald green earrings

3 beautiful semi-precious bracelets. One (my favourite) is blue opal, one is tigers eye and the other is another blue-sh semi precious gem

A beautiful 1950's mint an white necklace

A fantastic cubed rind that shines brilliant colours on different angles

My current bundle of bangles

A beautiful faux opal brooch with a few rhinestones missing but still loved.

I found this gorgeous apron yesterday in a crisp linen beautiful with zero fading or rips. I love it most because its unisex, great on a gal, great on a guy and it was only $5!

I fought for this vase! the old woman at the counter told me I could't have it for the marked price of $3 because its worth 10 times the amount. She told me that I would be "robbing from the poor" if I bought it for that, so naturally I offered more as the cost didn't matter, I just loved the aqua blue and brown dripping watercolour.She flat outright said 'NO' because her antiques dealer had to value it, so I said "can I leave my number for you when you find out" again she said No because that op shop has a Ebay store and it will go straight to Ebay.

The next week I went in and it was marked at $10, the price I had offered to pay, so i bought it whilst she tried to explain what happened in the end, I just smiled and said thank-you politely.

Seriously though, when did Op shops start becoming money-hungry corporations who give their remains to the poor after they've paid for the managers wages, employees and rent? Seems un-charitable. (They are more concerned someone will get a better deal, but antiques dealers search for the gold it isn't given to them and they honestly do not consider quality. These op shops are pricing damaged and un-sellable glassware and collectibles at its full mint condition price) This makes me mad, sorry for the outburst.

This is my 'all put together' queen Anne dresser!

Save the best til last!
this is a beautiful 1940's anniversary glass music box. I've never seen one before in my life but the mint green trimming with polka dots and the gorgeous little bride and groom won me over. The tune it plays is super super creepy which I love. There's something about sinister sounds that i love.